Malaysia:
— noun
1. a constitutional monarchy in SE Asia: a federation, comprising the former British territories of Malaya, Sabah, and Sarawak: member of the Commonwealth of Nations. 126,310 sq. mi. (327,143 sq. km). Capital: Kuala Lumpur.
2. Malay Archipelago.
3. From the Latin meaning Bad Asia
Sometime previous to this journey about which you are to learn, I met a Columbian woman that seemed nice and after a stolen weekend we decided I should go and visit her in Kuala Lumpur as I'd never seen it and she was on an extended trip there for work.
For reasons to boring to explain, she bought my ticket.
I know right ;-)
I was going to skip the fact that I met her on Tinder.
And that she was married.
For the third time.
But, knowing women like I do, I feel like it's somewhat relevant.
A few weeks before I was meant to leave she came to visit me on Christmas weekend and we stayed in a hotel together, a rather fancy affair as I remember, standing bath in the main room, as you do, rooftop swimming pool and spa rooms in the basement.
Not to shabby.
I was planing to leave on Boxing Day but circumstances out of my control meant I had to leave Christmas Day night, and since she's a delicate little flower and we'd been drinking since midday, upon breaking the news she burst into tears and blamed me for everything, making her cry, having to leave her alone on Christmas, Trump, Brexit, pollution, all the things.
I tried, I really did, I held her hand, I started to calm her down, but after a while a (female sort of) logic popped back in her pretty little head and I was again the bad guy.
I left.
I Forgot that we were on the second floor and I needed a key card to get out.
*Stands there thinking about how best to deal with this, most delicate of situations.*
Door opens, Columbia, tears in her eyes, brings me the card and let's me out.
K thx bye.
Into a taxi for the hour long ride home, realised I'd left all the Star Wars presents she'd bought me in the room, Rule 43: Don't leave your Star Wars toys behind.
FML.
The next day I get a call and an apology and an offer to bring me all my stuff.
I graciously accept, 'cos I'm nice like that.
We sit in a bar, we drink, eat and do the crossword and have a lovely night.
I put her in a taxi to the airport.
All is well in the world. CalmBeforeTheStorm